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when we step over

the barbed wire wall of others' defenses,

we will see one of three outcomes:

a person whom was loved too much.

a person whom was loved too little.

and a person whom was one of the latter

yet prefers, presently, to love

with a loving that satisfies

all previous deprivations,

estranges all excess,

and concludes with

a summation that reaches an imperfect-perfect

equilibrium towards oneself

and others.

:::

no matter how often

i try to deprecate You

from my dreams---or in a chapel.

or under a tree---or riding on the subway---

just before i sleep...

You remind me prayers are thoughts

and love has absolutely nothing

to do with worshipping

from the mind

and absolutely everything
to do with worshipping

from the heart.

     You say,
     Love, you risk too much
     closing your heart on me.

:::

i am ordinarily washing the dishes

when Chet Baker Sings,

and time after time

you'll hear me say that

i'm

so lucky

to be loving you

You sing to me in this way.

all at once, i feel miles away from You

and feel away from no miles at all.

and time after time

you'll hear me say that

i'm

so lucky

to be loving you

it is as though You are helping---

drying the dishes.

...and time after time [and time after time]

you'll hear me say that

i'm [you'll hear me say that i'm]

so lucky [so luckyyy]

to be loving you [to be loving you]

:::

pffhewwwwww...

"you know...i love him the most

right now," my friend said to me

in the wake of her smoke.

why? i hid my laughter.

we were across the room

from her boyfriend; it seemed like a strange

moment to "love him the most".

pffhewwww...

"yeah, sure, go ahead and laugh.

at least, i know what it means."

no no no, i'm sorry. no, please tell me

why do you love him the most right now?

"...you see, i can see him, and he can see me.

he is far enough away that he can be himself

and i can be myself. i can be close to him, yet

i want to be far from him."

umm---ok, i laughed. go on, go on.

"when i love him closely, it ruins something. i don't

have what i have when i'm farther from him."

what is it? now she had my attention.

"when he's farther away, i simply miss him more.

and even though i know he's mine and he knows the same...

there's a mystery in it all. its like this love's strongest

when i can see what i have, but i'm far enough

that its barely safe to lose it."

that's deep. all that smoke must be going to your head.

pffhewww...

"maybe, but what's crazy is...it only becomes

stronger when he gets out of my line of sight, and that!

that, is when the mystery is the most strong."

but, he's gone now.

"exactly," as she smiles.

pffhewwwww

:::

a homeless man says he was declared

Guilty by Reason of Insanity

for believing God spoke to him

and told him,

My Life be as is as a breath.

arriving home from the shelter,

i saw a mourning dove fly into a tree

across from my apartment.

to which i did not see a bird in a tree

but a breath flown from the wind.

a breath rolling through the leaves.

the rise and fall of my own chest.

the next day,

i approached the man

not to tell him i understood what he meant.

i, instead, told him he found a freedom

most people may never find;

a breath within a breath