page 126
top yourself off
with a ribbon;
with a ribbon;
you are gift
to the world.
:::
i found myself
wandering the Lowly Place.
where it creeks---
it groans---
light banished from Its space.
wandering gives way
to confusion.
a drowning abyss
covered in seclusion.
destitute. resolute.
another black screen
with no credits rolling
but an enlightened heart
hears the faint bells tolling.
:::
Reports on Self-Forgiveness
BODY REPORT
3/5/2017
When I am cut...
When I am bruised...
When I am broken...
When I am starved...
it is my autonomic duty to signal pain before anything else. I have to remind the person that I support that I am in danger. And by my being in danger, my person is also in danger. Once the pain is expressed, I also have an autonomic duty to heal.
For example, it begins with an inflammatory response. White blood cells and platelets rush to the scene of danger. They say, "Thank you pain. We'll take it from here." Pain responds, "Ok, thank you."
I am tender for awhile but not hurting. I am healing, and my person is healing too. But, my response is involuntary. I must follow my duty, and I do it every time because of something else...I forgive. I never get to see what causes my person pain or hunger or suffering, but I have to forgive that blade or empty refrigerator or angry person so I can heal. Otherwise, my person would always bleed or be hungry or be sore. My person knows I am not perfect. I cannot heal perfectly. Yet, forgiving the attackers against my person is what allows healing to continue. This I do, involuntarily too. As for scars and what is left...oh that is an achievement. They are proof I did the best I could.
MIND REPORT
3/5/2017
When I doubt...
When I ruminate...
When I regret...
When I shame...
When I am fatigued...
it is not my autonomic duty to signal pain before anything else. I create those things in my person. I feel awful when I do, but I have so much power to do so. Ironically, I know I have the same amount of power to make this stop. I commend the body on its unconscious ability to do that--to feel pain and heal regardless of what happened to it.
I work differently. It is harder for me and my person. Just as the body is complex, so am I. One might argue I am much more complex than the body. I barely agree.
I have to go about this differently. I have to think. I have to think long and hard about what I do when I get like this. I do not want to hurt my person, so I have to use my intelligence to help. This may sound silly, but I have to become my own hypocrite; I have to take the pain I have created and call myself out on it. I have to apologize. I have to do the very opposite of what I have done. The only thing that can fight my pain is by doing the exact opposite. I have to believe, to pause, to stop, and to rest. I then have to restart. I flip the switch. When I do this, I begin to heal. I begin to forgive.
After I think to forgive, my conceptualizations of my person are more peaceful and more positive. I actually have more time to think better of my person. I enjoy thinking about that--thinking better of my person because my person deserves it.
SPIRIT REPORT
3/5/2017
When I am not as I am...
When I am not infinite...
When I am not connection...
When I am not alive...
it is, in fact, my autonomic duty to remind my person that these statements are false. I am always all of these things: being, infinite, connection, and living. I work behind the scenes of my two friends. I am also referred to as Soul. Mind and Body converse with me. We discuss matters continuously. At times, I give them orders and insights. At other times, they report to me in case I need to change my course.
I commend the mind in its vulnerability; it admits to its own mistakes, and that is bravery I will always admire. I also commend the body. Its involuntary, physical power is how I have always wished to present myself. Unfortunately, I work deeply within. It can be hard to communicate with my friends and my person because of my deepness; however, I am unchanging.
I deal with pain in a way that sounds contradictory. I create it and hold onto it. It is up to my friends, Mind and Body, to release it. When they endure the painful obstacles I have lined up for them, they learn ways of dealing with pain and thus, learn how to heal. When they understand forgiving, they reveal more of me to my person. My person can communicate with me more easily when my friends have forgiven themselves. Body is usually pretty cooperative and strong when it comes to facing these challenges. On the other hand, Mind appears to struggle.
Mind and I have had several conversations and we continue to have them. The reason we have had so many conversations is due to the irony of how Mind operates. I am glad to see Mind brought up the hypocrite metaphor. I thought that was interesting. Anyway, Mind, Body, and I have come to terms as to why I create and hold onto pain. They were not happy when we first discussed it at our person's birth, but they understand now.
I myself am not made up of pain. I cannot be, ever. Nor can I feel it. When my person feels as though they have forgiven some part of themselves, they will be able to hear me more clearly. From there, I can only communicate good, pain-free truth.
:::
Grandpa, what are you writing?
"Why, um, I'm writing a eulogy."
what's that?
"It's a nice speech you usually give
for someone who's died."
who died Grandpa?
"No one, thankfully.
This is---I'm writing a eulogy, for myself."
are you going to die Grandpa?
"Well, eventually, but I'm good and well my boy."
why are you writing your eulogy then?
shouldn't someone else do that?
"Yes, but I was inspired by a fable
I recently read called The Eulogist.
It's about a young man who is dying
of a lung disease called tuberculosis.
The whole story is actually his eulogy.
Instead of allowing someone else
to praise his life after his death,
he thought he would write a eulogy
dedicated to all the people
that will make this death
worth the life he lived."
"You better bet you'll be a part
of my eulogy my boy."
Comments
Post a Comment