page 80

"sweetheart, listen.

when you're in love

your heart is not just an extension

of your body...

unfortunately,

it becomes an entirely new sense."

"...and since i know i'm right,

i'll get you this one..."

hey. yeah um, she'll have

a glass of the pino noir. thanks.

no, we'll need to keep it open.

"...oh and you can't turn it off."

"ask anyone who's been in love ever.

once you find that sixth sense...

you can't not have it again."

:::

oh! to want to kiss a stranger!

to want to laugh in public

at the expense of no joke!

to see children playing at the playground

and agree with them saying, "me too! me too!"

the coffee is still brewing in a way     

as it was yesterday.     

this tile floor is still square-and-tile     

tile-and-square, but     

i stand keeled over with stomach pains     

of joy.   

i am a grown adult laughing

at my own hysterical and immature discovery---

this feeling of joy! all i can do is laugh!

i keep laughing at myself!

an envelope in a mailbox is there as it was before,     

but i have been delivered a package     

that was always at my doorstep---     

i just never looked down to notice!     

wow, there are tears running down my face.

life has told me the funniest joke,

and i cannot stop laughing!

It said---

hold on---give me a second...

It said, Knock knock.

the child in me asked, "who's there?"

Life said, Your being alive.

ha! everything is still ordinary and mundane

only, i am just discovering another layer---

a top shelf of treasures---

me, a kid reaching for the cookie jar!

this joy of being alive!

:::

sitting there---supported by stiff arms,
high shoulders, and toes drowning

in the sand, we watch the sun
descending the mountain of the sky.

i turn to look at You---
the sun is eclipsing the pupils of Your eyes.

a smile begins to form from Your lips
as the colors fade into deep reds and pinks.

(You are not looking at me.)

     just before the sun plants its second foot
     on the horizon, You say,

     I'm returning.

     returning from where? i ask.

     I'm not returning to who I should've been...

     (You look at me)

     I'm returning to who I always was.

:::

my grandmother has a clay vase
she bought from a small town in Italy---

hand painted with a downcast but stern-faced
Madonna christening it.

the hole is just big enough
for a small bouquet of flowers.

anytime i came to her house as a child,
i was anxious to see what kind of flowers

were stretching their necks
and showcasing their beauty to the world;

carnations?
pink roses?
daisies?
a single sunflower?

one day, my grandmother must have seen
how transfixed i was by their beauty.

she walked up beside me, leaned over,
fanned her hands out on her knees

and whispered to me,
"i'm so happy you see what i see.

---this small vase
with just enough room for a few special flowers

reminds me to have faith in myself."

why is that grandma? i whispered back excitably.

"because i have faith
that each time---they will bloom.

so, if i have the faith
as i have in my flowers,

i can have the same faith in myself."

so does that mean you've bloomed?

"of course i have. in many ways.
for one thing, i have you."

:::

"i think---um---i think

love

is like an eating an oreo."

"because its soft and crunchy and---

sweet and---tasty! [laughs]"

"you can take a big bite out of it

or you can pull it apart and eat

the inside first---or you can

dunk it in milk."

"i like to dunk it in milk cause

it makes it soft!"

Journalist: And that's what you think love is?

"yeah."

Journalist: Why is that?

"cause i can eat it however i want to."

:::

when the other's love becomes
The Loved,

and our love
is an oil lamp still burning

in the dark cottage of our heart,

we must let go.

~

we are not letting go

of whom we had---

of whom we believed was ours to keep;

we are letting go

of conditions which would have

set limitations on the love

that is always ours.

~

a closed door must open again,

to be open.

to be received.

:::

How can i turn a rose/

Into baby's breath?/

It's white/

It's innocent/

It hasn't shared its secrets yet/

How can i, how can i, how can i/

Took a risk/

Showed my thorns/

Cut my lips/

i left them torn/

i know what i did i needed to do/

But this rose still plays checkers with the truth/

How can i turn a rose/

Into baby's breath?/

It's white/

It's innocent/

It hasn't shared its secrets yet/

How can i, how can i, how can i/

Too late now/

The wilderness/

Can't deny/

The thrill of this/

my chance in the wild is only a chance/

Even i want to lose in the fight of Your dominance/

How can i turn a rose/

Into baby's breath/

It's white/

It's innocent/

It hasn't shared its secrets yet/

How can i, how can i, how can i/

Need to leave/

i want to stay/

Took the risk/

But now i'm at risk/

Wish i could/

Maybe i still can/

Forget my red paint/

See the white again/

i said more about love/

But now i must play pretend/

So how can i turn a rose/

Into baby's breath?/

It's white/

It's innocent/

It hasn't shared its secrets yet/

How can i, how can i, how can i/

How can i

How can i 

How can i

:::

love said,

Let me take your feet away.

(my feet began to sink in the sand

as the waves curled their foamy arms

around my ankles.)

You have wandered off without me

for far too long.

Let me take your feet away.

I want you here. I want you to stay.

Sit with me and rest.
Without your feet,

you cannot walk with loneliness.
Your idleness is my dearest need.

Let me take your feet away.

i thought the ocean had graced its fingers
across the bridge of my face

but they were my tears,
falling and releasing from the tip of my nose.

"ok. i'll stay."     

:::

do it. as you wish.

by the tow of your willpower

possess.

tell me you care. vacate your memory

distress.

exonerate regrets. bring forth the foreground

expense.

expend all of it. i can take it with brave

defense.

lie to me. say what you would rather

dispense.

you love me. say it. do it. jump

the fence.

so i know you will not have me

despite.

this love cast out at sea under

twilight.

i can smile now. though not with

delight.

do it. as you wish.

by the tow of your willpower

cease light.